What NOT To Say To Someone Who Has Experienced A Miscarriage (2017)
What NOT To Say To Someone Who Has Experienced A Miscarriage
“It wasn’t meant to be.”
“Well, at least they weren’t even BORN yet, so you didn’t really know them.”
“That’s why a lot of people wait until the first trimester is past to announce a pregnancy.”
“God knows what He’s doing.”
“At least you still have your other kids!”
“You know you can try again.”
“Maybe if you lose some weight you might have a better chance at carrying a pregnancy to term.”
“Heaven must have needed another little angel.”
“A miscarriage isn’t the same as a real death. I lost my (choose one depending upon the speaker) son/daughter/spouse/parent/sibling in (insert date here), and that really hurt me. But I got through it, and so can you.”
What TO say/do?
Let them know you're there for them. If they want to talk, you're there; if they don't want to talk, you understand.
Be authentic.
Avoid platitudes and cliches.
Acknowledge their pain rather than minimizing it.
Give them time if they need it.
Refer them for help if they need it.
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| Image is of a person holding a white heart shaped object in their palm. The heart has a jagged red crack down the center that resembles bleeding. Photo credit: Creating a Family dot org |
Recommended citation: Giwa Onaiwu, Morénike. (2017). What NOT To Say To Someone Who Has Experienced A Miscarriage. Just Being Me...Who Needs "Normalcy," Anyway? [Personal essay.]