Treading Land, Water, Sky, Life, Loss (2017)

Like the amphibian

Too much time on land fatigues me

Depletes me of life-sustaining nutrients

Sucks me dry

And sends me on a desperate retreat

Back to the waters

Where I can submerge myself

In what is familiar

Fluid, quiet, safe.

I can somnambulate beneath the surface

Removed from land’s sounds, sights, smells

I can find rest.

But this reprieve is all too fleeting

Because my aquatic retreat is no longer home

I cannot remain underneath its waters

I cannot survive here. Not anymore.

I don’t belong on land, but I have to go there

I don’t belong in water, despite wishing to dwell here...

I don’t want to choose

But the duality of my nature, of my existence has made my choice,

Forced my hand, determined the direction of my next leaps.

I can come back here; I can be connected to here

But I can’t stay here.

So since upon land I must go, at least at times,

I shall not perish there.

Though I cannot always return to the water to refresh myself

I possess the ability to secrete vitality from within in order to survive.

I am both of the water and the land,

Yet I am neither of the water and the land.

I belong everywhere and nowhere;

I have been adapted for survival anywhere.

Don’t be fooled by my softness, my smallness, my supposed weakness

I elude danger’s grasp - swift, slippery, gone.

Though the water houses my past

And the land contains my present

My future, I believe, is to be skyborne.

No longer bound by what keeps me here

I have swam, I have leaped, and I shall one day fly.

Until then, I navigate the two worlds that lease my body

But never my soul

For it is mine, and mine alone.

(Dedicated to my precious twins Taiwo and Kehinde, who departed the waters of my womb into Heaven 30 days ago as of today and will always be loved, and also to my beloved land-dwelling children who make my life worth living.)

Photo credit: Paige World dot com

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Recommended citation: Giwa Onaiwu, Morénike. (2017). Treading Land, Water, Sky, Life, Loss. Just Being Me...Who Needs "Normalcy," Anyway? [Personal essay.]